Do infants feel excluded? Early signs and why it matters

Key takeaways for caregivers

• Social exclusion harms individuals of all ages, leading to feelings of loneliness, decreased self-esteem, and even changes in brain activity.
• Humans’ ability to recognize and react to social exclusion emerges early, suggesting the importance of considering and addressing ostracism even when caring for very young children.
• Babies are sensitive to social clues: In one study, when 13-month-olds were excluded from a ball-tossing game with unfamiliar adults, they became fussy and frustrated, a shift in behavior compared to their happy engagement when they were included in the game.
• By creating inclusive and nurturing environments from the very beginning, caregivers can foster their children’s emotional well-being and social development. This lays the foundation for strong social skills, empathy, and healthy emotional regulation later in life.

Have you ever noticed how young children light up when another child wants to play?

It is amazing to watch them grow, not just physically but also in their social and emotional skills. Parents often wonder when children start understanding complex social situations, like when they are being included in a game or left out.

As researchers, we turned this curiosity into an experiment. Our research suggests that 13-month-olds are sensitive to social exclusion from strangers. What are the implications of this finding for caregivers? In this post, we offer tips to foster inclusive environments for young children.

What is ostracism and why does it matter?

Everyone knows the sting of being left out. In social settings, people sometimes ignore or exclude other people, leaving them out. That’s ostracism.

Think about a child at playtime who is not invited to join a game or a young person who feels isolated during a group conversation. Ostracism, a common experience, can have far-reaching effects, influencing individuals’ psychological well-being and behavior.

Being left out can leave children vulnerable to low self-esteem and academic difficulties

Research has shown that, starting from school age, ostracism can negatively affect fundamental psychological needs, such as feelings of belonging and having a positive sense of self-worth.

For example, it can lead to feelings of loneliness and decreased self-esteem in children. Ostracism can even trigger physiological changes, such as an accelerated heart rate, indicating a physical stress response. It also influences behavior by heightening sensitivity to others’ emotional expressions and leading individuals to adopt either prosocial or antisocial attitudes, depending on the situation.

Ostracism, a common experience, can have far-reaching effects, influencing individuals’ psychological well-being and behavior.

Research also suggests that persistent ostracism by peers from kindergarten through fifth grade can result in   Thus, recognizing that children, even at a very young age, are sensitive to this phenomenon can offer insights into their emotional development.

Exploring infants’ sensitivity to ostracism with a ball-tossing game

In research my colleagues and I conducted at the Child & Baby Lab in Milano (Italy), we investigated the effects of ostracism on 13-month-olds on 84 infants (approximately half boys and half girls), primarily of Caucasian ethnicity.

Infants played a ball-tossing game with two experimenters. At the start of the game, an experimenter tossed the ball to the infant, retrieved it, and then tossed it back to them to establish a pattern of interaction. In the next part of the game, the experimenter either continued to include the infant or switched to ostracizing them.

For infants assigned to experience inclusion, the experimenter continued tossing the ball back and forth between the infant and a second experimenter for the remainder of the game. For infants assigned to experience ostracism, the first experimenter continued tossing the ball, but only to the other experimenter, deliberately ignoring the infant for the rest of the game.

Do infants behave differently when they are ostracized?

Since infants of this age typically cannot verbalize their feelings, we video-recorded their facial expressions, vocalizations, and body movements during the ball-tossing game to understand their emotional state during the activity – happy, frustrated, or somewhere in between.

Our findings shed light on humans’ early awareness of social dynamics. Infants who were left out of the game showed fewer signs of happiness, like smiling and laughing, than infants who were included. Furthermore, ostracized babies were fussier and showed more signs of frustration, like crying or angry expressions.

Many factors, such as simply not receiving the ball as often, could have contributed to the observed differences in behavior. However, given what we observed during our study and what we know from other research, our findings suggest that, by 13 months, infants can pick up on social exclusion and react to it emotionally.

Ostracized infants showed signs of trying to get back into the game by reaching out more frequently and spending more time looking toward the experimenters rather than focusing on the ball. These behaviors suggest that infants were proactively reaching out for adults’ attention, prioritizing social re-inclusion over simply wanting the ball to play with.

Infants who were left out of the game showed fewer signs of happiness, like smiling and laughing, than infants who were included.

Implications for parents and caregivers

Social interactions are crucial for children’s development because individuals learn constantly when they interact with others. This makes it important to foster inclusivity as well as to teach and model social skills to help children navigate social situations confidently from early in life.

Our study revealed that 13-month-olds are sensitive to exclusion, suggesting that they have an earlier grasp of social dynamics than previously thought. This sensitivity likely forms the basis for more complex social behaviors later in life.

Behaviors in ostracized infants reflect how adults react to exclusion

In addition, the behaviors we observed in ostracized infants (e.g., fussiness, attention seeking) are similar to how older children and adults react to exclusion. This suggests that the mechanisms for detecting and addressing social rejection begin developing very early in life.

The early signs of sensitivity to social exclusion

Understanding early signs of sensitivity to social exclusion is crucial not just for researchers but also for caregivers. As parents interact with their children, they might notice a child:

• Fussing more when they are not included in playtime with other children during playdates;
• Reaching out, crying, or babbling to try and get the caregiver’s attention if they feel ignored during mealtime; or
• Losing interest in activities when consistently sidelined.

These reactions mirror those observed in our experiment, highlighting the need for nurturing environments in which children feel like they belong and are active in social interactions.

Create nurturing environments to promote children’s social-emotional development

Our study’s findings underscore why creating a sense of belonging and emotional security for children is so important. Repeated experiences of exclusion can harm children’s emotional well-being in the long run by affecting their self-esteem, ability to form healthy relationships, and capacity to manage their emotions effectively.

Parents and caregivers can create a more nurturing environment by understanding these early signs of sensitivity to exclusion. This helps children feel safe, secure, and loved, laying the foundation for healthy emotional and social development.

Practical tips for caregivers

To create a more nurturing environment for children, parents should:

• Model inclusive behaviors: From a very young age, children absorb everything we say and do. Demonstrate welcoming behavior by including others in activities and conversations. Show children the importance of kindness and respect toward everyone.
• Encourage social interactions: Create opportunities for shared experiences with peers. Provide toys and activities that encourage interaction, like building blocks or dress-up clothes. Facilitate playdates by offering simple suggestions for how children can play together, like taking turns building a tower. Use positive reinforcement and point out when your child shares a toy or interacts with another child.
• Acknowledge feelings: Promote your child’s understanding of their own feelings, either positive or negative, in different situations by labelling them. Even negative feelings are okay; help your child navigate them.
• Teach empathy: Help your child understand the feelings of others by discussing emotions and perspectives. Encourage them to share their toys, take turns, and listen to their friends’ stories.
• Address ostracism: If you notice exclusionary behaviors in your child’s interactions, address them with empathy. Explain the impact of exclusion on feelings and emphasize the importance of including others.

Because children’s emotional and social skills develop rapidly in these early years, providing supportive and inclusive environments can lay a strong foundation for future interactions and relationships.

By recognizing the importance of social inclusion from an early age, parents and other caregivers can help children become socially confident, empathetic, and emotionally resilient individuals.